Soul’s Lament on a Perfectly Melancholy Day

I look around the room and I see the things that are in it.  I know this is where I live; I call this place home but it doesn’t feel like it.  I park in the same old parking spot in the same old parking lot at the same old apartment in the same old neighborhood but I still wonder how I got here.  I watch the cars around me when I go places.  People together talking, sharing, living.  I want that and yet it feels out of reach.

I guess I’m just missing you.  I want the life we have when we’re together.  That feels like living.  What is this?  What is this thing we do when we’re apart?  God my heart aches.  I savor the moments we have like a really good glass of wine.  I want the taste on my lips forever.  I want that warming feeling never to go away.  I want the fullness of those moments to last forever.

I’m sad today; feeling vulnerable too.  I’m not going to lie to myself or to anyone.  Sometimes I feel like there’s a billboard that hovers over my car saying, “Watch out for the sad, lonely dude, he’s probably not paying too much attention to his driving.”  It’s actually true.  I am pretty sad and my mind is almost never where it should be when I’m driving.

I miss you.  Come home soon.  I don’t know if I can handle this life.  I want to live our life, the life we have together.